There was manufactured outrage today that a woman whose previous pregnancies were both marred with public vitriol has chosen to keep her third pregnancy closely under wraps.
Heavily pregnant when Covid struck, Carrie Johnson was just 31 when her home became the epicentre of the coronavirus pandemic, not that that garnered her any sympathy with chronically online liberals. “Yes, her husband nearly died while she was 8 months pregnant with her first child. And yes, the comings and goings of medical advisors into Downing Street meant that she was possibly the most exposed pregnant woman to the virus in the entire country. But actually, she’s a Tory, so she deserves it” said one woman from Kent.
“I think she’s a gold-digger. I don’t care if she had a degree and a high-powered job before she met Boris. She’s clearly married him for his MP’s salary, even though it’s less than half of what he made in all of the previous jobs he’s held in all of his previous marriages” said another woman, also from Kent.
Carrie’s second pregnancy, too, was widely attacked by the public, with some even going so far as to accuse her of giving birth deliberately to distract from public anger at Partygate.
“Yes, it’s true that her early second labour could have been stress induced. But that’s a dead cat” said a man with no idea what a dead cat is. “She knew that people were going to be after Boris, so she deliberately got pregnant exactly nine months before, then gave birth to create a distraction”.
“This is supposed to be the marketplace of ideas” he went on. “We shouldn’t be resorting to tactical pregnancies, ad hominem attacks or personal comments, we should be striving for a cleaner, kinder politics. Unless it’s the ex-Prime Minister’s attractive younger wife, in which case, Carrie Antoinette’s a gold-digging homewrecker!”
Not much is known about Carrie’s third pregnancy, but even those on the political left have expressed more sympathy for her, as Boris is likely to be home a lot more this time around.
