As a feminist, I think body positivity is hugely important. It’s great that fat people can now feel confident too, even despite their lower life expectancies. But, that said, as women living in a patriarchal society, often the pressures of the male gaze can be difficult to navigate. And we can all agree that Adele looks a lot better now. Especially when you have a huge following on social media like I do (nearly 1,800 followers on Instagram!), the pressure can really build to emulate what I like to call cocaine chic.
Personally, I’ve never felt this more acutely than when holidaying abroad, and being forced to display my pallid, quivering flesh in one of the misogynist trappings that the patriarchy calls a bikini. In Egypt last year, I remember staring in the mirror of our ensuite, wondering if I would ever be happy with my elephantine size 10 body (I have big bones). Gazing at the bottom-heavy Pyramids, all I saw was my own reflection.
I tried everything – the Atkins, couch to 5k, even briefly bulimia, but sadly it didn’t work out because, as Freddie says, my gag reflex is just too good.
I was on the verge of despair, when an unfortunate incident occurred in which I mistook some dead skin cells for baklava. Up all night expurgating my bowels, I happened to catch sight of my newly gaunt form in the mirror, and realised I had unwittingly discovered the secret to third wave feminism or maybe even a 4th wave feminism. Naturally, I’ll be paying a surrogate, but I imagine giving birth to be a similar experience to what I went through on that night.
So, ladies, whether you’re filming a sex tape, or just want to spice up your Instagram before applying for an internship – just take a shit. Choose thin, because Lizzo’s already taken!
